Ten Four Good Buddy

Medical Update:
- Oh wait ... nothing is new.

She is still chuggin' along with her feedings, and still requiring the same amount of oxygen.

Josh and I are incredibly well versed in the basics of infant feeding after watching an extremely infomative video tonight.
We learned:
- If your baby is not breathing, ask loudly "ARE YOU OK?" -- But don't bother to wait for a response. It doesn't actually talk.
- That two ounces of water makes two ounces of formula.
- How to wash a bottle (it is much more complicated than regular dishes ... NOT).
- How to take the lid off of a can of formula powder.
It was pretty much an exercise in self-control ... both of us wanted to claw our eyes out. So did Phoenix ... but she is pretty much always scratching at her eyelids.
I just have to keep reminding myself that she is freakin' awesome and totally worth it.

In other news, church was phenomenal this morning ... especially worship. Honestly, the worship part of Sunday mornings has been hard for me ever since Phoenix was born. When she was still cookin' inside of me, she would always respond to the sound/feel of the worship music in her own little praise dance. And I miss it. But the set this morning was awesome -- and I count it no small thing that Josh's favorite song and my current favorite both made the cut. Especially because both of us needed an extra helping of Jesus today.

Tbe words to "Saviour King," Josh's favorite:

And now the weak say I have strength
By the spirit of power that raised Christ from the dead
And now the poor stand and confess
That my portion is Him and I'm more than blessed

Let now our hearts burn with a flame
A fire consuming all for your Son's holy name
And with the heavens we declare
You are our king

We love you Lord, we worship you
You are our God, you alone are good

You asked your Son to carry this
The heavy cross our weight of sin

I love you Lord, I worship you
Hope which was lost, now stands renewed
I give my life to honor this
The love of Christ, the savior king

Let now your church shine as the bride
That you soar in your heart as you offered up your life
Let now the lost be welcomed home
By the saved and redeemed those adopted as your own

I give my life to honor this
The love of Christ, the savior king

I have said this before, and I will say it again and again: I love my husband's worship heart.  I think the lyrics to this song say something profound about his relationship to Christ. He recognizes his weakness and need for redemption, and responds by submitting himself to the lordship of Christ. And the the line in bold is especially pertinant for his heart these days .. pray for him to continue to hope in the Lord, and to see with fresh eyes the ways in which He is healing Phoenix.

The words to "You Are My Passion," a current favorite of mine:

I’m alive to bring glory to You, King
God of victory, You are my passion
It’s in the way You are, You don’t change at all
Great and humble God, You are my passion

My strength in life is I am Yours
My soul delights because I am Yours

Your will on earth is all I’m living for

Jesus, I glorify; Jesus, my love is Yours
You are my heart’s desire; I live to know You more

Light that breaks the darkness, showing what true love is
Always full of goodness, You are my passion
You never do me wrong, the meekest Man, but strong
The most perfect song, You are my passion

I know that I have written about this song before, because I keep discovering new and relevant truths hidden in its lines. When I found out I was pregnant on Christmas eve, the line "You don't change at all" blew my mind ... knowing the way that Mary responded to her oh-so-unplanned pregnancy inspired me to trust God and his purposes. This song was also one of two that made it onto my birthing playlist (thought I had another 3 months to work on that) -- the playlist was entitled "Get this thing out of me." I knew the anthem about trusting in the Lord's strength would be vital to surviving the natural birth I had planned on. I didn't dwell much on the days that would follow her birth ... I guess because I had no idea it would be so hard. But standing before God this morning, proclaiming my weakness and His strength was like fresh air to my stale soul. Pray for me, and that I would continue to surrendur to my weakness and dwell in His power.

And pray for my girl and her tiny lungs ... I so want to see God glorified through a miracle in her body!

Last, but certainly not least: Josh and I are taking a one-day babymoon tomorrow. To Six Flags. We really need to just get away and do something fun together. So we are. Josh's love of roller coasters is just further confirmation that I married the right man.

Over and Out.

Closer and Closer

Medical Update:
- In case you didn't see the post on my Facebook yesterday, Phoenix got her feeding tube taken out! She was doing so well with her PO feedings that they decided to let her set the pace -- and turns out sister can eat really well. I actually heard one of the nurses tell Dr. Narayan that she has never seen a preemie nurse so well -- VICTORY! (In the pictures of her and Josh below, note the lack of orange tube in her mouth)
- Even with this big step, we still don't have a set take-home date. But we are gradually moving in that direction -- the hospital social worker came to introduce herself to me (since she will be helping us get set up with home oxygen) and tonight we are going to watch dvd's on infant CPR and baby care. Pray that Josh and I have extra patience in the coming days ... having the end in sight makes every day feel sooo long.

Last night, me and the nug had our first fight --- granted, she didn't know it. And I got frustrated with her for something so obviously out of her control. At her 5 pm feeding, she ate really well and then showed all her typical signs that she was full. So I stopped nursing her, and just let her snuggle on my chest. But about 20 min later, she started relentlessly scootching towards the food, so I let her nurse again for another 10 minutes. It really feels like I am starting to understand her subtle little cues, because she doesn't really cry (as Josh pointed out, she doesn't have to -- she gets regularly woken up for clean diapers and food). But then, when it came time for her 8 pm feeding, she was very distracted by all the effort it takes to fill one's diaper (another victory!). But her stupid schedule made me frustrated with her ... this was her chance to eat, and she just wouldn't focus. Even when she was done pooping, she still only nursed for a couple minutes before she became totally disinterested. Sister just wasn't hungry, since her last feeding had gone so long/late, but I felt all this pressure to make sure she ate well at exactly 8 pm. It took me a couple minutes of tears to realize that I wasn't mad at her ... I am just mad that we are trying to grow this organic relationship in the middle of a rigid environment. I cannot wait to get her home! I know that having her out of the NICU will be hard in its own way, but at least it will be normal new parent/new baby hard.

So, like I said ... pray for patience! And I am straight up exhausted -- from being at the hospital all the time, and then waking up every couple hours to pump in the middle of the night. I have been doing this not-more-than-two-hours-of-consecutive-sleep thing for seven weeks now, and it has certainly taken it's toll. And waking up in the middle of the night won't change when she comes home. So please, please, PLEASE pray for energy for Josh and me. We are both having to constantly fight the urge to be cranky pants.

Now, what you all have been waiting for ... pictures of Nixie from that last couple days!

Cute jammies from Lia!

Pretty Bird

Close-up

Look at the way Josh looks at her -- this picture kills me

Daddy Kisses

Nug lookin' at the camera

Josh being Josh

Side note: Our baby is going to have no idea what her real name is -- I never call her Phoenix, or even Nixie. Here is an assortment of her nicknames:
- Nugget
- The nug
- Nug Bug
- Pretty Bird
- Pretty Girl
- Bitty Bear
- Bitty
- Bitty Boo
- Boo Boo
That is potentially confusing for her -- good thing she is showing signs of being a pretty smart little babe.

Body of Christ

Medical Update:

- The nug just got cleared to do either bottle or breast for 2 out of 3 feedings ... this is a huge step towards her coming home! I did spirit fingers in the NICU when they told me.

- She has started this new thing where she won't poop without a suppository. This needs to end ... now. So we are praying for sister to deuce it up.

- She has pretty much plateaued with her oxygen. Pray that she will get weaned down!

Oh, and Josh wants you to stop asking how the baby is -- it feels to him like a reminder that his baby is in the hospital. If you read this blog, then you know everything there is to know. (You are still more than welcome to ask me).

"Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many ...

  The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

 Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it." 
Selections of Corinthians 12, emphasis added

I can't even begin to explain everything I am learning about the beauty of the this passage and the way that it plays out. The body of Christ -- both near and far -- has embraced us, cared for us, and lifted us up beyond our wildest dreams. I can't even begin to count the number of people who have prayed for us and our girl. We get little gifts in the mail from people who want to bless us; nevermind the fact that they barely know us. People have given us food, gas, clothes, a clean house -- everytime I turn around I am moved to tears by the way that people are pouring the generous love of Christ on us! 

For example, I recieved this message on facebook a couple of days ago [FYI -- 12Stone Village is the preschool ministry at our church]:

Hi Emily,
I'm sure the past few weeks have been quite emotional for you. I just wanted to give you an update on something that 12Stone Villagers have been working on this week.
The two of us collecting met you a couple of weeks ago before the 1pm service with Lauren Wilkins. It is amazing to me how God can just show us things we need to do. The two of us had been reading your blog but to see you kind of brought it full circle with us.
Today at 12Stone Village we had a little collection called "it takes a village" (original - right?). We have collected quite a bit of money, a small scale to weigh your precious one when she is home and some clothes, cards, and prayers. I am in awe of the generosity of those at our church. It is truly inspiring and I honestly believe that people want to do good things, but also want something close to home. Your little family is PERFECT!!

God is good and he continues to show that in more ways than I can count. Thank you for letting us be a part of your family's life and for letting us help. I truly believe God brings people in our lives and as PK said in one service, You can't help everyone, but you can help the ones you come in contact with. Thank you again for letting us share your happy times and for sharing your emotions with us no matter how up or down they may be. You and Josh are amazing and we can not wait to have Nixie running the halls at 12Stone!

Can you believe that? Awesome, eh?

God has been faithful to meet my needs before I even speak them ... even for things as small as coffee. 

It has been such a humbling season for me. Just ask my parents ... "I do it myself" were pretty much the first words out of my mouth. I don't think independence is a bad thing, but I know that I have worn my self-reliance as a crown on my head, thus fostering an extremely toxic breed of pride. My two years in Georgia have just been one long, hard lesson on how little I can accomplish on my own. God has broken me to remind me that I need him and forced me to see the beauty in allowing others to care for me when I cannot care for myself. 

Thank you so much for the way that you have all been involved in this strange season of our lives ... we really feel blessed by the way that everyone has carried our burden with us! 

A Story for My Girl

Here is the medical update on "the nug," as I call her.
- She had another eye exam this morning, and she was apparently extremely cooperative. Her retinas are still immature (which is normal, seeing as she is undercooked), but the blood vessels almost reach the very edges of her retinas. Translation? For a preemie, she has awesome eyes -- and the opthamologist isn't the slightest bit worried about her.
- She is getting her last dose of caffeine tonight. Pray that sister does well without it, and that she doesn't have any increased apnea.

I have been thinking a lot about how much I wish that I could give her the things that are healing and life-giving to me. When I am sad or struggling or sick, there are some things that never cease to ease my pain.

Naps.
A hug from Josh.
Sunshine on my shoulders.
A really good book.
A song that makes me dance.
Coloring.
The smell of rain.
Some ice cream or a smoothie ... or a slurpie.
A hot shower.

Unfortunately, her predicament disqualifies her from most of those pleasures (except for naps and Josh hugs ... both of which have indubitably contributed to her progress). I can't bring rain into the NICU or force-feed her a smoothie, but I decided that I can read her a book.
Now, which book? For those of you who know me well, you understand that this was no flippant decision. Words are my love language ... I don't have much to offer Phoenix, but I wanted to gift her a story that has greatly impacted my own life.
A dear friend and mentor, Elizabeth Varaso, introduced me to "Hind's Feet on High Places." I read it first in Philly, a city that will forever have my heart, while I was living there for a summer doing inner-city ministry. I have actually been dwelling a lot on the idea of reading HFOHP again -- it just seems perfectly relevant in this season. The more I thought about that book, the more it seemed to be the perfect story for my struggling little firebird.
To give you an idea of the story, here is part of the description on the back:
"Follow Much-Afraid on her spiritual journey through difficult places with her two companions, Sorrow and Suffering. Learn how Much-Afraid overcomes her tormenting fears as she passes through many dangers and mounts at last to the High Places. There she gains a new name and returns to her valley of service, transformed by her union with the loving Shepherd."
In case you missed it, the book is a shameless allegory (much like Pilgrim's Progress), and it will pretty much blow your mind. Everytime I read it, my heart resonates with the plight of Much-Afraid, and God teaches me new things on every page about His kindness. The best part about this book, I would argue, is the depictation of Sorrow and Suffering as fundamental companions for the faith journey. Too many Christians miss the oh-so-important detail that we are crucified with Christ, and that we become like Hm when we share in His sufferings. That's not exactly billboard material. But my tiny girl is learning a huge faith lesson before she can even begin to comprehend it ... suffering and sorrow are a necessary part of walking with Christ, but they always serve his loving purposes. Like I said ... HFOHP is the perfect book to read her.
Unfortunately, my bookcase got commandeered by the nug ... it now houses baskets full of blankets, tiny socks and headbands. So, in typical parental fashion, I laid my selfish interests aside and conceded to leave all my books in boxes for the time being -- a big sacrafice for a bibliophile like myself. I didn't even bother to try and find my copy of HFOHP, so I stopped at Barnes and Noble on my way to the hospital tonight.
What did she think of book reading time? Well, after I breastfed her, I started reading to her while she was still alert. But she kept making her cute little baby noises and looking up at me with her giant eyes, and I got distracted by engaging with her. So we only really made it to page two. But it will surely be a story that I continue to share with her, and this copy is hers to keep.

Side Note -- Today was the first time in close to 4 months that I have made it all day in a pair of pants with a button. It's the small victories, people.

Side Note #2 -- With all the time I am spending in the car, and all the constuction on the way to the hospital, I have had a hard time staying sane. This song, and the one-woman dance parties that it inspires, are the reason that I haven't flipped off every person between here and the hospital. Turn on your speakers, get off your bum, and shake what your mama gave you. [[Sorry about the obnoxious beginning  (and the couple of curse words) ... trust me, the song is worth it]]

How Nixie Ended Up in the NICU

I realized today that some of you have been reading this blog for a month, praying for our little champion without really knowing why she was so early in the first place.

Well, here is the story. And I really am not going to spare the details. So if birth and/or blood weirds you out ... bummer.

It all started on Friday, June 10th. I got home from work at Barnes and Noble close to 11 pm; despite my exhaustion, however, I never really fell asleep. After laying in bed for awhile -- just unwinding from the day -- I started to feel sick to my stomach, accompanied by some cramping. I didn't worry too much, because I knew that Braxton-Hicks contractions (to get your uterus in shape) are normal for pregnancies in the third trimester. The cramping started to get stronger and stronger, and I remember moaning in bed as I tried in vain to fall asleep. I would find out later that the intense cramping was actually contractions so close together that they were essentially continuous. Then, around 2 in the morning, I felt a warm wetness and jumped out of bed into the bathroom. Within seconds, I had bled all over the floor -- like a seriously scary amount of blood. Our OB told us later that you know things are bad when women have blood in-between their toes -- and I certainly did. I yelled for Josh, and when he came into the bathroom, I told him to call our midwife. Since they don't directly connect you with the midwife/OB on call, we had to wait a few minutes to find out what we should do. I was still hurting pretty bad, so I laid a towel on the bed and prayed desperately to feel Tiny Cash moving ... and she did, thank the Lord. In fact, she seemed totally unaffected by my predicament. She just kept doing her little womb dance that she liked to do whenever I wanted to sleep.
After 20 min, we still hadn't heard anything, so Josh called again. Two minutes later, we heard from Sarah, one of the midwives from our practice. After getting details from us, she told us to head to the hospital. I quickly showered the blood off my legs and feet, and we jumped in the car to head to the hospital. In a moment of clarity, I told Josh to stick a key under the mat at our house in case we would need people to bring us things from home. Obviously, at 28 weeks, I had not yet packed my hospital bag.
Both Josh and I were fairly calm, and we drove as fast as possible before getting stuck behind a cop on the way -- we figured getting pulled over could seriously delay the process. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I spent the walk into the hospital clearly communicating to Tiny Cash that she needed to stay inside for a while longer. After some confusion about where to go after getting off the elevator (we also had not yet taken our hospital tour), we finally found the Labor and Delivery nurses station, where I got set up in a room. I hadn't really bled much since that initial hemorrhage, so everything was pretty calm. Josh got me registered while I laid around, and we just kind of hung out for a couple of hours waiting to get an ultrasound. I was hooked up to a fetal monitor, and TC was doing fine. I was still having contractions however, so they gave me A LOT of fluid (since dehydration can apparently start contractions) and some medicine to stop them. We weren't all that worried or scared at that point ... in fact, I was more annoyed that the ultrasound was taking so long and that they wouldn't let me eat.
When I finally had my ultrasound, they were looking for one of two things that could have caused the bleeding: (1) placenta previa, where the placenta is too low and too close to the opening of the cervix or (2) an abruption, where the placenta peels away from the inside of the uterus. After the longest ultrasound EVER, they saw neither of these problems. That was great news, and we assumed we were going home. At this point, I was still desperate for breakfast (which I got, thanks to my husband's faithful pestering), and wanting to just get discharged already. But we still needed to see our OB, and by the time he came to see us, my contractions were back and I had seriously hemorrhaged again. He stood next to my bed, watching my contractions and the baby's monitor, and left for a few minutes. When he came back, he told us that the baby's oxygen kept dipping, and my continued bleeding suggested a problem that wasn't fixing itself. And then he dropped the c-bomb ... he told us that they were going to need to get the baby out while she was stable, which meant I was going to have an emergency c-section as soon as possible.
When he left the room to get things in motion, Josh and I turned to each other in tears. I remember wondering if it was my fault -- was it my diabetes? I had been saying for weeks how much I hated being pregnant and how I just wanted to meet her already -- did I cause something to go wrong? Josh stared at me with his wet ocean eyes and told me over and over that it wasn't my fault until I believed him. At that point, we had to stop grieving the loss of our birth plan and start preparing for what was about to happen (dun, dun, DUN!). There was no part of me that even considered fighting our OB about the c-section -- his 8% section rate (versus the nation average of around 35%) means that he only does surgery when it is absolutely necessary.
I met the anesthesiologist on duty, and he told me that I was going to have a spinal block. And then the nurses came in and gave me a catheter without any anesthesia  --- WORST THING EVER! IN THE WORLD! Especially because I was bleeding again, which just complicated the issue. They gave me a dose of steriods to try and help mature the baby's lungs as much as possible before birth, and then we just had to wait. Another woman, whose situation was more dire than ours, had her c-section first. To pass the achingly-slow minutes, Josh and I took a couple of pictures.

This sucks

Josh lookin' BA in his scrub cap

 

Trying to get pumped up

When my time finally came, they told me that they were going to have me walk into surgery. Not real sure why, because as soon as I stood up, I dumped blood all over the floor. So I laid back down, and they immediately rushed me out. Josh was left behind, because he couldn't be in the room while they were giving my spinal block and finishing the surgery prep.
This is the point at which Josh started to freak out -- he just described it as "the worst, most overwhelming feeling in the world." He just had to wait in the room with my blood on the floor while his two girls were somewhere else. Thankfully, two of his good friends showed up at the hospital at just the right time to be there for him while he waited.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch ...
It was simultaneously the worst part of the experience for me too. I was in the surgery room, seperated from Josh and terrified by the prospect of a spinal block. I had to sit on the edge of my bed, bent over while they prepped the site. I was so blessed to have a wonderful nurse who asked me about my 'boyfriend' (she couldn't believe I was old enough to be married) to distract me, and she let me bury my head in her chest during the actual procedure. Turns out, a spinal block is not nearly as bad as it sounds ... way easier than the catheter. They laid me down, and finished the preparations while the assistant to the anesthesiologist tried to give me another IV (which was proved to be difficult because I had lost so much blood). He was also extremely kind and reassuring, and he seemed so relaxed that Josh and I mused about whether he had helped himself to some anesthesia. After they put up the divider that kept me from seeing the surgery, Josh was finally allowed into the room. I was in tears again, out of fear and pain from the stupid IV. When they actually started the surgery, I kept telling Josh to tell me stories to keep me distracted. He didn't perform especially well under that kind of pressure, but it meant everything in the world to have him beside me. I kept waiting and waiting to hear something, anything, that would indicate Tiny Cash was ok. When I heard her sweet little cry it was ... perfect. And oh-so-reassuring. They brought my beautiful little firebird next to the bed, all swaddled and sweet, so that I could give her a kiss before they whisked her off to the NICU. Thus her nickname became a thing of the past, and we named her Phoenix (see THIS post in case you missed the story behind her name).
The end of the surgery was the worst part ... my baby was gone, I had no idea what was happening to her, and I could feel the tugging from being sewn back together again. During the surgery, they found that the source of the bleeding was an abruption that they couldn't see on the ultrasound. We are so thankful that I had the c-section when I did, since abruption have a fairly high mortality rate for both mom and baby!
When it was all said and done, we got taken back to the labor/delivery room, where Josh caught some much needed ZZZ's. An hour or two later, he finally got to go see Phoenix in the NICU. It felt like forever before I got to see her again, because they couldn't wheel my bed down there. When I was stable enough to sit in a wheelchair, they took me to officially meet my girl.

And our journey in the NICU began!

And, side note ... she is doing really well today -- they have weaned her oxygen down a little, and she was very alert for two PO feedings in a row!

Randomness

Since so many of y'all are sending us little gifts, and some have asked what we need for Phoenix (besides prayer), we figured we would let you know what things we could still really use.
So (just an FYI) -- you can check out:

• Babies R' Us (click HERE for our registry)
• Target (click HERE for our registry)

We are also planning to using 'Charlie Banana' cloth diapers (once Phoenix is big enough, and she is not longer on milk fortifier), which you can find at http://www.charliebanana.com/ or even on Amazon. We want the 'one size' diapers in white, or the value pack called 'Tutti Frutti.'

Our mailing address is:
2800 Pine Log Way
Buford, GA 30519

Obviously, do NOT feel pressured to get anything for us. I just merely wanted to provide that info for the people who have requested it.

Now, here are a couple pictures from the last day or two:

She looked so cute in her puppy pj's

Wild woman

Forced to surrender by her swaddler

We had an interesting day at the hospital -- or rather, she had a really interesting noon feeding today. Long story short, she had a lot of water in her oxygen tube and nasal cannula that prevented her from receiving the air she needed. The result? We had a terrible go at breastfeeding (although she has made the connection that I am a source of food, and she wouldn't give up on trying to get to it today) because her oxygen saturation kept dropping. We just ended up puttting her back to bed, which gave them a chance to figure out what the problem was. Josh, on the other hand, had a wonderful bottle feeding with her at 3, followed by a nap and baby snuggles. Lucky dog.
Dr. Narayan DID start her on a diuretic (to clear any fluid out of her lungs), which has already helped with her oxygen saturation. Josh wants to make sure he gets credit for mentally prescribing a diuretic before the doctor did ... so when you see him, call him Dr. Cash.

Love you all!

Side note ... If you want to see more clips of the Cash family, I started a YouTube channel for our videos. Just visit http://www.youtube.com/user/CashFamilyAllStars for more videos of the nugget than you could possibly want (I will be adding more tonight when I wake up to pump).

In It For the Long Haul

Today is this blog's one-month anniversary -- and it has received over 15,000 pageviews in that amount of time! Thank you for loving our daughter so well through your devotion to specific and timely prayer for her (and us). She really is the most popular little girl ... ever.
And it was oh-so-appropriate that today we received this awesome bib in the mail from Josh's great aunt and uncle:

Perfect, eh?

Hopefully a month of updates about our little girl has only left you wanting more, because it looks like we are still in this for the long haul. We had a sit-down meeting with her neonatologist to talk in-depth about her current condition, his plans for the near future, and potential take-home dates.
The good news? Nobody has heard her murmur in the last day or two, meaning that PDA has closed (or is really, really small)! Thank you Lord!
The bad news? She is requiring more oxygen support than she was just a week ago -- which means the doctor is going to do another x-ray (to see if she needs diuretics again) and check her cortisone levels. It would be such a blessing to us and such a testament to the healing power of Christ if her lungs were healed without more medical intervention, so please pray with all the "umph" you can muster. If you like, you can read Luke 18:1-8 for inspiration and start bothering Jesus for Phoenix's health!
The neutral news? Dr. Narayan has left the number of daily PO feedings up to the nurses in charge of her care. This (hopefully) means that, as she continues to succeed at breast/bottle, she will be given more chances per day to eat on her own. We spent most of the day at the hospital, and she did great with two PO feedings in a row. I think the blood transfusion did wonders for her energy reserve, so pray that she maintains the stamina that it takes to learn to earn her meals!
The bummer news? It looks like the "two weeks" goal is a thing of the past. Dr. Narayan is now predicting the middle of August (insert pouty faces here).

Josh and I humbly ask that you would direct some of you prayer efforts our way. In the past 24 hours, both of us have really run the gamut of negative emotions, and have both given in to bitter tears. After our time at the hospital today, neither of us had the emotional energy to do anything but take a nap. As much as we are trying to draw strength from the Lord, our breaking-point seems nearer than ever. Josh said, "You know it's bad when you feel like the #1 thing you're doing is enduring." Both of our hearts break whenever we have to leave her and they ache for her to get better.
Here is how you can pray for the two of us:
- Pray that our spirits would be uplifted, not necessarily because of a change in her condition, but purely through the activity of the Holy Spirit at work in us.
- Pray that we would be endowed with a bounty of endurance and patience. (Can you use the word 'bounty,' when it's not Thanksgiving?)
- Pray that God would lift the burden that Josh feels to provide (emotionally and financially) for Phoenix and me -- he carries the weightiness of those pressures heavily these days. And, since he is a fixer, I know it is killing him that he can't do anything to fix Phoenix's situation. Pray that God would give Josh little ways that he can tangibly help, and also pray that he would trust God for the things he simply cannot fix.
- Pray for our relationship ... our marriage is still so new, and we currently have a very steep learning curve on how to support each other through stress and crisis. And, of course, our coping mechanisms are VERY different, so pray that we are patient and generous with one another.

Thank you all so much for all that you have done for our little family!