Saturday, August 27, 2011


Girlfriend is having a rough go with breastfeeding these days, and it is sorely affecting my sanity.

She will cry with hunger, but then refuses to latch well (which I know she is capable of) and either flails around or falls asleep. Nursing her is at least a 40 min affair, after which she is often still hungry. Offering her a bottle after working to feed her for almost an hour tests the very limits of my emotional endurance, and I am beginning to assess whether all this frustration is worth it. What is supposed to create an emotional bond seems to do the opposite ... after giving her a bottle, I get to interact and snuggle with no ulterior motive. She is satiated, and I'm not disheartened.

I know cognitively that breastfeeding is the jam ... especially for preemies. It just doesn't feel so awesome these days.
But she even has rough feeds with the bottle. Josh's mom spent an hour trying to get her to finish the bottle with her medicines this morning (Josh and I were both too exhausted to even try). So maybe it's not just breastfeeding.

Moral of the story?
Eating is often a stressful event, for both the babe and me. And, since feeding time comes 'round every 3 hours or so, these are rough days in the Cash household. As a result, Phoenix has earned herself some colorful nicknames (but buckets of sweet ones too).

I so desperately want what is best for her, so we could use some prayer.

Pray that she exhibits some focus and intentionality during feeding, so that she gets enough to eat and I don't go crazy. And pray that God gives clarity on  how to best approach her feeding --I don't want to breastfeed her just because that's what you are "supposed to do," but because it is best for us. If bottle-feeding is better, I just need the all-clear from the Lord on that.

Awkward prayer requests? Maybe. But sooo appreciated!


  1. I just wanted to stop by and encourage you! I have been there! I actually wrote about it after it was all over here:

    Breastfeeding a preemie is HARD and not for the faint of heart, especially in the first six months. I think I cried over him not nursing more than anything else. It was awful. But once he got the hang of it it was a breeze. Thankfully, I had a wonderful, supportive pediatrician that did nothing but encourage me and tell me that he would eventually get it and I would eventually enjoy the nursing relationship and she was 100% right. Before I had my preemie I think I was one of those nursing snobs who didn't understand why moms didn't nurse. After having my preemie God completely changed my heart and my perspective and I will say that sticking it out nursing my preemie is hands down one of the most difficult things I have ever done.

    If you haven't already, consider checking out a Le Leche League meeting. The moms I met at that meeting were SO helpful to me. They all knew exactly how I was feeling and sat with m e through my tears and gave me some really great tips. I know that i never could have done it without the support of the Leader of the Dacula group. Here is a link with all the meeting times and places in Georgia:

    In the meantime, I will be praying for you and if you ever want to talk to a mom that has been there feel free to send me an email. I believe you know my sister Lexie, she told me a few weeks ago she gave you my info. (((hugs))))

  2. Not awkward! Totally valid! Will pray hard!

  3. Although I definitely can't relate to the actual frustration of your difficulty I can imagine that its pretty great -- I'm sorry my friend and I've been impressed and proud to watch how you've dug your heels in the ground and held yourself together through all of this (and not, I'm sure, without many breakdowns and tearful moments) -- this, I think, is very valuable. I also think that you're more than a conqueror already through all that God's doing in your life right now and all the adjustments you've gone through in less than a year.

    You're a brave woman and I look up to you in this, lady. Praying for guidance for you guys on what you'll do with this situation. If you decide to stick through it know that you have support and can call/text whatever if you need a sanity call. If you decide to let it go and STILL need a sanity call/text you just let. me. know.

    PEACE, friend. (seriously)

  4. And I only mean I can't ACTUALLY relate because I've never had to go through what you're ACTUALLY going through. I can definitely imagine its intense and that I would be feeling the same way, though!

  5. You are amazing Emily. I am in awe of your determination and dedication. I realize these affirmations I am offering don't make it any easier - so I'll be praying for that as well!