I am Who You Say I Am

Sorry for the blog neglect ... turns out, having a baby around requires most of my time and all of my energy.

Not too much has happened in the last few days, except for her first trip to the pediatrician.
Here is a picture of her sleeping on the way there:

She is doing pretty well ... despite some nasty sounding congestion that turned me into panicky new mom. But we got her a cute little humidifier, and it seems to be helping clear her out.

I have never really felt so out of my element ... ever. In my life. Especially because I am doing this alongside Josh, and all of this seems to come so naturally to him. He doesn't stress or get frustrated ... he just seems made for this.
My internship at 12Stone ended just before bringing Phoenix home, so I have only just begun the process of reflecting on all that God has taught me in the last two years of ministry. But I am confident that he has used these two years to break me, something I should have anticipated (based on the testimonials of previous interns). Granted, I am pretty sure that I am the first intern to be humbled by an unexpected pregnancy. I spent so much time trying to remind God that my giftings didn't set me up well to be a mom yet ... and that there were so many other things I should do first. Pretty ballsy of me, to stand before the creator of the universe and suggest that he forgot how He made me.
It took two tumultuous years for me to stop saying, "God, this is not who I am. Let me remind you ..." and to start saying, "I am who you say I am."

I am not sure how many times I have repeated that in the past couple of days. Even feeding her, which should be pretty darn natural, has had me in tears several times, wondering if I am really cut out for this. And just when I want to question God's will in making me a parent, I choose to say "I am who you say I am. I am who you say I am. I am who you say I am." And He has said I am a mom.

Thank you so much to those of you who have brought us food in the last few days ... it has made everything much easier!

Here are a couple random pictures for ya:

I am "THAT" mom

Cutie boots!

This didn't even bother her ... so we left it

And, much to Josh's dismay, here is another video of him trying to wake up the nug (he wants me to make sure you know that he was unaware of the camera).

I know, my baby daddy is hot. Go ahead and be jealous.