This Just In

- When Sue was listening to her heart last night, she said that we should have good news after her echo this week (I think it is tomorrow), because she could barely hear a murmur anymore. Hopefully that means her PDA is closed!
- No real change on the lungs front ... keep praying that she will tolerate being weaned down to less oxygen flow (and that sister will stop breathing through her mouth and stop pulling out her nasal cannula).

Apparently she had her first bottle feeding experience yesterday morning, and she ate those 5 little cc's like a champ. Even though it was good news, I broke down into tears when Josh told me yesterday afternoon. Sometimes I feel like we are an afterthought, and that decisions are made/actions taken without our consent (or without us even being aware). I would have dropped everything ... I would have walked right out of work to be there to give her that bottle. My mama heart breaks that I am not the one taking care of her and feeding her -- that is supposed to be my job. It's been interesting to observe what feels like a radical transformation in myself. On Christmas eve, when we found out I was pregnant, the last thing that I wanted was to be a mom. And now, here I am, hating every moment when I don't feel like one.

Fortunately, I got wonderful time with Phoenix last night -- and we gave breastfeeding a shot! I will try to spare you the awkward details ...
- She made the funniest faces ever -- ask Josh if you want to see an impression. Apparently the whole experience was incredibly surprising to her.
- Both of us ended up covered in breastmilk ... so clearly no effective eating took place.
- She was passed out within about 2 minutes of being with me. Oh well :)
I knew going into the experience that most preemies have a slow learning curve with breastfeeding, and Sue said she was pretty typical. But, either way, it was so neat to bond with her in a new way (even if both of us were sticky and exhausted at the end).
She did still have her feeding tube in, which is not ideal. If she didn't have her nasal cannula, they would put her feeding tube through her nose so that she could have her mouth totally freed up. Just another reason we need those little lungs to get better!

We got a cute little dragon stuffed animal -- named Darla, thanks to Josh -- to take her picture with. We will be doing that everytime she reaches a month milestone so that you can get perspective on her size. Josh took those pictures yesterday (since her one month was on Monday -- yesterday was really the first opportune time), so I will try to post those later today.

Thank you for all your thoughts, prayers, encouragement, and support!

Side note #1-- I was under the impression that cravings would stop after pregnancy. Turns out, I was wrong. The only thing I ever want to eat is smoothies ... ever.
Side note #2 -- Breastfeeding is the best thing that has ever happened to my diabetes. I need so little insulin that I keep forgetting to change my pump infusion set (because I just don't run out of insulin). Last night, I ate a snack that I forgot to bolus for, and then accidentally left the house without my pump. My blood sugar was in the 200's, and then 2 hours later it was 65. That is without any insulin, people. Craziness.